your thong is hanging out like whoa
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
