i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
