long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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