Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
