He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
