I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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