I wish my penis had an off switch
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
