I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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