We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize