I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
