I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
