i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
me + whiskey = a bad person
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
