My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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