I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
