I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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