So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
