am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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