if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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