how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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