Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
