in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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