We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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