I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
