He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
