Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
