I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
