how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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