Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
