Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
