So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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