is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
