She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
