Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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