I cockslap morals
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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