kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
