Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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