I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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