So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
