he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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