We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
