I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
