the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
