Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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