1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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