I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
