I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
