I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
