Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
