I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize