Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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