we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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