Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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