Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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