I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
