She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You are the jesus of drinking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
