Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
