it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the condom got lost in my hair
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
