So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
