Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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