i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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