we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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