I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
