dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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