When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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