I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
