this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
