I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
