Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
