i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
