so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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