just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize