She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
