Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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