NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
