I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
