i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
