No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
