Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
