The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
